shantelle ???

trying to make this short,
trying to make time for my blog!
trying to make time for writing!

POINT TO IMPROVE ON

well so then back to reality, my life now :|

so i put myself in the position today where i watched myself, instead of being myself, i watched myself (is that even possible?!)

yea, so what they say is true, i am hot tempered. i guess start of lunch (start of being focibly stuck with my family for a day) i was still able to control lshing out etc etc. and everytym they cut me in i would just shut up. and everytym i started getting annoyed i could still keep my toungue, but hell as the day proceeds (esp whn i was getting lseepy) yea, i'm hot tempered, i lash out, i getpissed at small things, but so do they, but:| bu tbu tbut oh well watever

Posted by Tanisha at 10:11 PM | Permalink | Comments

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK
IM SO GOD DAMN

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCCCCCKED UP !!!!

you know good thing if we were ACTUALLY A FAMILY that ACTUALLY SPENT TIME TOGETHER. BUT WE DONT. SO THERE, WTF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Thjey don't eveN give a shit what i love, ever since bata ako. HAVE THEY EVER SHOWED UP NA HINDE PILIT ??!?!?!!!! na hinde ako umiyakk because of them in fact dad koh nga never nag show up ever !!!!!!

my first recital ? WALA. my second ? WALA clA. the first time i performed on stage WHERE THE FUCK WERE THEY. MY GRADUATION. MY CONFIRMATION. wala naman daw kwenta mga yun !!!

may kwenta for me eh. I CARE.

damn it.

where were they nung days ko ?!?!?!

wala din !!!

FOR ONCE. JUST ONCE damn it. i wish they would show that they love me.
i know they do but for ONCE damn it.

FOR ONCE i wanna feel that thing na prng my friends are lyk pinapahiya cla daw ng parentsnila whn they show up kahit super small thing they show up tps make it a big deal. and take pics and everything.

how many events have my parents showed up? .... i can't even think of one. not. even. one.

how many times have they todl me i'm good at something and actually supported me thoughtout all i did for that? never.

damn it. for once i wanna feel loved.

so i'm not lovable. but they're supposed to love me cuz they're family.

for once i wanna feel supported. for once damn it.


if you don't wanna love me FINE. just don't take away the things i love. don't take the last thing i love away ......... FUCKED Up

Posted by Tanisha at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Comments

most people have their boyfriends ....
i have my orgs.
i know what a comparison, but yea

i've been heartbroken once. probably a dozen other times too. but really whn i think about it, just once, sometimes it's too much.

so i dont have super dami orgs cuz my parents don't let me.. i have only 2 now. FC and MC. one of ewhich broke my heart and the other .......... i've been banned.

It sucks !

it's lyk the last thing in the world i probably love. just a week ago i had just let go of other stupid superficial things i tawt i loved. well, watever ....

i loved the violin, cuz i wanted to be a performer. i want to be a performer .. i wanted ? to be one.

but hey tinuruan ako ng guitr to play for mass .. to play for mc. it's not glam, and i know i'm not that great, but at least i'm giving something to others.

most people my age would probably rathjer party, drink or watever! sometimes ithink i'd rather too. then everytime it just so happens scheds coincide, i learn yea i'd rather serve.

it sucks. because. i don't understand. why. they're not giving me a reason.

im not even asking for anything ....... except can i go ? im not asking for money or someone to drive me or grrrr ........ nakakainissssss !!!

Posted by Tanisha at 10:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

i don't know who i am ?


funny. i wrote once that my greatest fear ... was to be the same as everyone else. but when i think about it now.... people fear what they don't understand right?

i don't know what it's like to be like veryone else if in fact there is such a thing.

sure it's great to be different. But i'm too different. Sure i try my best to blend in (in a werid out of place trying to be different sort of way) which is really odd. but nevertheleess that's what i do. i think. or i don't know.

(gawd i can't even count the number of times i've used the phrase "i don't know") or "whatever" so far. nyways..

Posted by Tanisha at 8:59 PM | Permalink | Comments

you know how people lyk can distinguish who you are in a crowd without ever having seen your face before just by knowing what your name is ? or how sometimes you get remarks lyk "bagay name mo sayo"or you "look lyk your a *your name*". Yea. well that's never happened to me.

Shantelle. ha-ha

Always loved my name. Like there's some sort of elegance attached to it. But that's so just totlly not me.

wala lang.

hahaha

shuffled thoughts

probably won't get the hang of this till a couple of weeks

oh watever. how can someone soooo cheerful ? be so pesimistic ? O_O

Posted by Tanisha at 8:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

Weird isn't it, the idea of a blog and all. I don't know. Nothing unusual here nothing special... just me. Odd how it seems that I have a dozen thoughts running through my head right now and i just wanna write them all down here, but i can't... ? Funny huh? how someone like me, who never seems to stop talking, can hardly express herself in words ... But then what ? Gawd ang labo.

i can barely structure my senences neatly or present flow of thought in a way people would actually understand me. But then that's just me, i like things that way ? or do i ?

Well here I am another blog. I don't know why I keep making blogs, maybe i'm just facinated at the number of templates you can put on them or .. i don't know.
So what's this blog gonna be like?... I don't know ?! I'm not doing this because it's sem break or beacause im bored or whatever. I guess there is this ceratin side of me that lyk saying" hey you gotta stop nagging people, it's not lyk they understand what you're saying nyways" O_O yea. im just wasting the time of people, so i mighht as well rant in this blog whre no one will read it nyways.

weird.

yea dats me O_O

Posted by Tanisha at 8:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

agsdfsafdsfad

Posted by Tanisha at 8:22 PM | Permalink | Comments